Larger than Life

When I was a child I was often in trouble with my mother, who was less than enthusiastic about my 'adventurous' spirit. So it fell to my father to act as a buffer between the two of us.

One of these times was in our very 70's kitchen with yellow walls, harvest gold kitchen appliances, and brown-gold-orange carpet...quick question, who puts carpet in a kitchen??

but i digress.

We were all around the dinner table, my father, my older brother, and me - while my mother was doing something over at the stove...and fussing at me over something (she fussed a lot so I have absolutely no memory of what it was about)

So my father in an effort to diffuse the mounting situation pulled the two - three foot tall carved wooden spoon and fork off of the wall behind him and began pretending to eat his dinner with them.

I fell out into peels of laughter which made my mother turn around sharply, at which point my father hastily dropped the large wooden utensils under the table and out of sight. My mother glared at me - telling me to behave and my father winked. Three times this happened until, my mother, losing her rather thin tether on patience threatened me with going to bed without any more dinner. So I stared down at my plate, trying really hard to not look at my father again.

But it was just irresistible, it was hilarious to me.

I looked...

And was completely lost in giggles to the point where I started bubbling the milk, that I had taken a drink of before I looked at him, out my nose. This made my older brother, who was usually pretty stoic, start to laugh...

and then it happened
my mother turned
with a 'Matrix' like speed and stealth
and caught my father
fork and spoon
in hand...

they just stared at each other...

my brother and I didn't even breath...

you could have cut the air with a three-foot carved wooden knife
then
my father grinned - a super big cheesy grin

my mother's lips quivered as she tried not to laugh and be serious, she failed.

The entire room erupted in laughter and I was forgiven for my lack of manners at the dinner table.