The 'Never' Monster

Why you should never say 'never'.

Like I would 'never' cut myself with a pocket knife while trying to open a box of band-aids, I would 'never' eat an entire bag of double-stuff oreos in one sitting, I would 'never' have a homosexual affair or indulge in a random three-way with complete strangers, I would 'never' shoot six holes in my lawn mower because the rip cord disintegrated in my hand like a vaporized alien in the transporter room of the USS Enterprise.

Well, you get the idea....

Because as soon as you invoke 'never' the universe acts like a magnet to draw every 'never' ever spoken to happen in your life - simultaneously - and with a reckless abandon that rivals the feast of Bacchus at Mardi Gras (...that is another story...)

So just a warning to all of you who would 'never' and could 'never' - just when you think you might have escaped it will sneak up on you,
in the dark,
waiting,
watching,
ready to pounce when your guard is down and you are feeling safe.

then BAM!!

Before the voice inside your head is even beginning to sound warning signals (sadly this voice is very easy to ignore anyway...too easy to ignore - you know the one, it says: What are you doing? Are you sure that is a good idea?!?)

Of course this voice is quickly overcome by the 'never' monster who emblazons your ego with the idea of control, invincibility, and immortality. Then the 'never' monster completely consumes the tiny voice of reason, laughing gleefully as it chomps it in half and leaves it bloody and dying in the back alley of your mind while the 'never' monster goes cavorting around in your life running over flagpoles, spilling milk on your keyboard, wrecking your car, and making you buy that ridiculous 'adult' toy on a drunken 2 AM internet shopping spree!

oh yeah - 'never' monster - great plan!