I consider myself a very liberated, independent woman...
and yet...
there is something irresistible, knee-weakening, eyelash-fluttering and completely dashing about a man who will get into a fight on your behalf.
Yes, I know - I can hear all of my fellow 'women's libbers' now...
"What! How could you say that!"
"As if a woman needs a man to defend her!"
"I can take care of myself."
Yeah - Yeah, I hear you but COME ON!
Really?!?
A man is willing to put his body on the line to protect/defend you!!
Who the f*ck are you kidding - it is awesome - in a giddy like Christmas morning kind of fabulous way :)
NOT that you tell him - of course.
As a liberated independent woman I am forced to 'act' affronted, possibly even indignant but on the inside...
I have turned into a puddle of mushy girlie-ness that would shock Barbie!
This has only happened to me twice in my whole life...but Ooooo ;)
Once was a boyfriend and once was a friend - but it was SO GREAT (tehe - snicker - blush)...
see even thinking about it again makes me giddy!
They thought so much of me to think that I needed their protection.
And that is really what it is all about - they 'value' you that much. Who doesn't want that?!
And by the way, if you say differently, well, let's face it - you're lying.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I Will Take Mine in an IV
You know that it is going to be a long day when you crawl (and no, I am NOT exaggerating) to the coffee pot - drag and pull yourself upright, propping yourself up on the counter, just upright long enough to dump water and coffee grounds into the coffee pot...
that for some reason will not entirely sit still - so you pour half of the water on the counter and subsequently on yourself.
Then having just exhausted all of your energy you
slowly
s
l
i
d
e
down the cabinets
falling over sideways from the sitting position on cold linoleum and curl into the fetal position while trying to - simultaneously - sleep and listen to the coffee finish brewing.
So you can inject it directly into your veins - because really, who has time to wait on your digestive system to process the caffeine at desperate moments like these!!!
that for some reason will not entirely sit still - so you pour half of the water on the counter and subsequently on yourself.
Then having just exhausted all of your energy you
slowly
s
l
i
d
e
down the cabinets
falling over sideways from the sitting position on cold linoleum and curl into the fetal position while trying to - simultaneously - sleep and listen to the coffee finish brewing.
So you can inject it directly into your veins - because really, who has time to wait on your digestive system to process the caffeine at desperate moments like these!!!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Undo
Don't you think that life should come with an 'undo' button?
How GREAT would that be!!! With possibly even multiple levels of 'undo' like in my drawing programs, where you could set it to 50 or 100 or in my case, 6,528,452 - please...
'Ohhh, oops, I didn't mean for my hair to turn out green!'
Undo!
or
'I really didn't know that the cute guy/girl who asked me to look after his/her bag (stuffed with narcotics) at the airport was a drug runner!'
Undo!
or
Asking the officer: 'Well, if the car wasn't supposed to GO 140 miles per hour, why would they have put it on the speedometer?"
Undo! Undo!!
See what I mean, Very handy!
How GREAT would that be!!! With possibly even multiple levels of 'undo' like in my drawing programs, where you could set it to 50 or 100 or in my case, 6,528,452 - please...
'Ohhh, oops, I didn't mean for my hair to turn out green!'
Undo!
or
'I really didn't know that the cute guy/girl who asked me to look after his/her bag (stuffed with narcotics) at the airport was a drug runner!'
Undo!
or
Asking the officer: 'Well, if the car wasn't supposed to GO 140 miles per hour, why would they have put it on the speedometer?"
Undo! Undo!!
See what I mean, Very handy!
The Bleeding Obvious
I often marvel at people's ability to ask incredibly obvious questions, however, 'pool guy' takes the cake...let me explain:
Last week, it was hot-hot-hot where I live, so the perfect after work solution? Go for a swim at my neighborhood pool.
And while I was in the pool - swimming (and just to be clear, I was actually swimming, not just jumping around or splashing about, actual breast stroke swimming) - a man swims up beside me and at the side of the pool says:
"Do you know how to swim?"
Hmmm... well, I am in the pool, s-w-i-m-m-i-n-g, which I thought he might have noticed since he was also, in - the - pool, and had to swim up to me to ask the question...
So wouldn't the answer to his question be readily apparent?!?
:/
Apparently, not.
Last week, it was hot-hot-hot where I live, so the perfect after work solution? Go for a swim at my neighborhood pool.
And while I was in the pool - swimming (and just to be clear, I was actually swimming, not just jumping around or splashing about, actual breast stroke swimming) - a man swims up beside me and at the side of the pool says:
"Do you know how to swim?"
Hmmm... well, I am in the pool, s-w-i-m-m-i-n-g, which I thought he might have noticed since he was also, in - the - pool, and had to swim up to me to ask the question...
So wouldn't the answer to his question be readily apparent?!?
:/
Apparently, not.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Evil Office Tormentor
It is a well documented phenomenon that the day that you finally make up your mind to stick to your diet and exercise plan - some evil office tormentor will bring in cupcakes.
And not just any cupcakes, scrumptiously divine cupcakes...that call to you from down the hall...beckoning you to come and stare at them longingly...
and lift one lovingly onto a plate and carry the decadently gorgeous, gooey, perfection that is covered in tempting icing and candied sprinkles back to your desk. Where you will sit and devour the glistening, lemony confection in less than 2 1/2 seconds (sigh of contentment) - as the last remnants melt on your tongue in unequaled bliss.
(followed by pangs of guilt as your sugar swamped brain realizes that cupcakes were NOT part of your diet and exercise plan!!)
Evil office tormentor - curse you!!!
Now I will have to spend another 40 minutes at the gym to work it off!
(will you bring some more tomorrow???)
And not just any cupcakes, scrumptiously divine cupcakes...that call to you from down the hall...beckoning you to come and stare at them longingly...
and lift one lovingly onto a plate and carry the decadently gorgeous, gooey, perfection that is covered in tempting icing and candied sprinkles back to your desk. Where you will sit and devour the glistening, lemony confection in less than 2 1/2 seconds (sigh of contentment) - as the last remnants melt on your tongue in unequaled bliss.
(followed by pangs of guilt as your sugar swamped brain realizes that cupcakes were NOT part of your diet and exercise plan!!)
Evil office tormentor - curse you!!!
Now I will have to spend another 40 minutes at the gym to work it off!
(will you bring some more tomorrow???)
Responsible and Adult
The joys of a mini-break with the girls are immeasurable – part is relaxing, part is pampering, and part is that you NEVER know what is going to happen. (This is far and away the best part!!)
To start the morning, I spent an hour and a half working out, after I had looked in the mirror and noticed I was more lumpy than svelte – ugh!! So some serious gym time a nice swim and I am feeling great! Now off to the spa for some delightful pampering that is slightly painful but we loving call it mexican facial torture, but in 3 days I will be soooo glad I went. After my incredibly healthy morning what could be better than a nice light lunch, I am thinking salad, maybe some tuna...
My girlfriends join me and what do they want for lunch...
cupcakes!!!
Ahhhh, Noooooo – not after my healthy gym routine, please nooo – not sugar and carbs....
and...
oh...ok...maybe they will have a healthy no calorie cupcake (I can dream, cant I)
I settle on a carrot cake cupcake, because it has fruit
and vegetables in it
with cream cheese icing...
that is healthy – right?!?
And what goes excellent with cupcakes when one is at the spa, why wine - of course!
Oh sure! Like you never wanted to do that!!!
Later that day
SO since I was feeling really good after my awesome facial and exercise, I had a marvelous thought...
I will get up tomorrow morning early – go to the gym – go for a swim – and have a healthy breakfast.
Awesome – perfectly responsible, adult thing to do.
Sweet!
A little later, a bottle of wine,
we are sitting together outside, chatting and trying to figure out if the random italian who decided to join us is wearing a shiny shirt from today’s boutiques or a 1970’s thrift shop...
interesting...
unfortunately he has actually decided to stay...NOT a good plan.
Second bottle of wine,
I very forcefully refuse the random italian’s offer to buy us another bottle – because then we will feel obliged to let him stay. (which none of us wants, but there is no polite way to ask him to leave)
Conversation turns to family and eventually after maneuvering over to sit by my friend, who staunchly refuses to engage him in conversation, the random italian gets the idea and leaves. Whew!
Much merriment ensues, but it is still early in the evening – I can still get up tomorrow morning at 7:00 – go to the gym – go for a swim – and have a healthy breakfast.
No Problem!
Third bottle of wine,
two more friends join our party and it is extremely evident that they have already been ‘pre-partying’ on their own. (Mostly because it took them 20 minutes to find our group and we were 5 seconds down the hall from them) :)
They begin regaling us with stories of their home improvement adventures – to wit, I have a sneaking suspicion there m-a-y have been alcohol involved then as well...not judging, just saying.
We are all crying they have us laughing so hard! With such jubilant stories how can one help but order another bottle of wine...right? Of Course!!
And after all it is only 10pm, that is still early - I can still get up tomorrow morning at 7:00 – go to the gym – go for a swim – and have a healthy breakfast.
No Problem! I’m Good, Bring It!!
Fourth bottle of wine,
the friends that joined us earlier start a whole new set of stories – and we thought the first ones were hilarious!! at this point they begin re-enacting the stories, even the bartender has to come over and watch.
Ok, maybe I can get up at 7:30 – that is still plenty of time to – go to the gym – go for a swim – and have a healthy breakfast.
Yeah, I can do that, it will be fine.
Let’s get another bottle.
Fifth bottle of wine,
Tattoos are starting to sound like a really good idea and we all launch into a discussion of who has them, and what...when one friend swears
“no – way. I will never get one, I hate needles”
Uh-oh, the gauntlet has been thrown!
Now the betting begins on what it would take to inspire them to get one, where, what, and how many years it will be before it happens. After much debate and refusal somebody chimes in with:
“Well, I have a Sharpie in my car, how about that?”
F-a-b-u-l-o-u-s!!!
All the creativity of ink with none of the blood, pain, or permancy!
What a great idea!
We can draw ‘tattoos’ on each other and they will be gone in the morning.
And you know if I get up at 8:30 in the morning that is still plenty of time to – go to the gym – go for a swim – and have a healthy breakfast.
All before we need to check out – awesome, I am golden!
Sixth bottle of wine,
Clothes are beginning to come off now, because, of course, you need more surface area to draw on!!
Like everybody doesn’t know that!!
More and more body parts are getting exposed and drawn on – pictures are being taken (for use later to get the real tattoos! buh-yah!!) then someone...
- and because this is the sixth bottle of wine, I can’t exactly remember who –
brings up piercings
At this point one of our friends totally exposes themselves – just to show that they DONT have any piercings....
hmmmm....
interesting thought, self-exposure just to prove that you have nothing pierced or tattooed or otherwise.
Fantastic!
And you know if I get up at 9:00 in the morning that is still plenty of time to – go to the gym – go for a swim – and have a healthy breakfast.
Sweet, I am sooo in control.
Life is good.
and
Yes, we would love another bottle of wine, thanks so much for asking.
Seventh bottle of wine,
the birds are singing...
are birds usually awake at 1:00 at night?? – I ask...
uhmmm – it is 4:30 in the morning.
oh F____!!!!
Perhaps I will not make it – to the gym – or for a swim – and really, who eats breakfast anyway, that is what coffee is for...
dammit...
so much for responsible and adult...
To start the morning, I spent an hour and a half working out, after I had looked in the mirror and noticed I was more lumpy than svelte – ugh!! So some serious gym time a nice swim and I am feeling great! Now off to the spa for some delightful pampering that is slightly painful but we loving call it mexican facial torture, but in 3 days I will be soooo glad I went. After my incredibly healthy morning what could be better than a nice light lunch, I am thinking salad, maybe some tuna...
My girlfriends join me and what do they want for lunch...
cupcakes!!!
Ahhhh, Noooooo – not after my healthy gym routine, please nooo – not sugar and carbs....
and...
oh...ok...maybe they will have a healthy no calorie cupcake (I can dream, cant I)
I settle on a carrot cake cupcake, because it has fruit
and vegetables in it
with cream cheese icing...
that is healthy – right?!?
And what goes excellent with cupcakes when one is at the spa, why wine - of course!
Oh sure! Like you never wanted to do that!!!
Later that day
SO since I was feeling really good after my awesome facial and exercise, I had a marvelous thought...
I will get up tomorrow morning early – go to the gym – go for a swim – and have a healthy breakfast.
Awesome – perfectly responsible, adult thing to do.
Sweet!
A little later, a bottle of wine,
we are sitting together outside, chatting and trying to figure out if the random italian who decided to join us is wearing a shiny shirt from today’s boutiques or a 1970’s thrift shop...
interesting...
unfortunately he has actually decided to stay...NOT a good plan.
Second bottle of wine,
I very forcefully refuse the random italian’s offer to buy us another bottle – because then we will feel obliged to let him stay. (which none of us wants, but there is no polite way to ask him to leave)
Conversation turns to family and eventually after maneuvering over to sit by my friend, who staunchly refuses to engage him in conversation, the random italian gets the idea and leaves. Whew!
Much merriment ensues, but it is still early in the evening – I can still get up tomorrow morning at 7:00 – go to the gym – go for a swim – and have a healthy breakfast.
No Problem!
Third bottle of wine,
two more friends join our party and it is extremely evident that they have already been ‘pre-partying’ on their own. (Mostly because it took them 20 minutes to find our group and we were 5 seconds down the hall from them) :)
They begin regaling us with stories of their home improvement adventures – to wit, I have a sneaking suspicion there m-a-y have been alcohol involved then as well...not judging, just saying.
We are all crying they have us laughing so hard! With such jubilant stories how can one help but order another bottle of wine...right? Of Course!!
And after all it is only 10pm, that is still early - I can still get up tomorrow morning at 7:00 – go to the gym – go for a swim – and have a healthy breakfast.
No Problem! I’m Good, Bring It!!
Fourth bottle of wine,
the friends that joined us earlier start a whole new set of stories – and we thought the first ones were hilarious!! at this point they begin re-enacting the stories, even the bartender has to come over and watch.
Ok, maybe I can get up at 7:30 – that is still plenty of time to – go to the gym – go for a swim – and have a healthy breakfast.
Yeah, I can do that, it will be fine.
Let’s get another bottle.
Fifth bottle of wine,
Tattoos are starting to sound like a really good idea and we all launch into a discussion of who has them, and what...when one friend swears
“no – way. I will never get one, I hate needles”
Uh-oh, the gauntlet has been thrown!
Now the betting begins on what it would take to inspire them to get one, where, what, and how many years it will be before it happens. After much debate and refusal somebody chimes in with:
“Well, I have a Sharpie in my car, how about that?”
F-a-b-u-l-o-u-s!!!
All the creativity of ink with none of the blood, pain, or permancy!
What a great idea!
We can draw ‘tattoos’ on each other and they will be gone in the morning.
And you know if I get up at 8:30 in the morning that is still plenty of time to – go to the gym – go for a swim – and have a healthy breakfast.
All before we need to check out – awesome, I am golden!
Sixth bottle of wine,
Clothes are beginning to come off now, because, of course, you need more surface area to draw on!!
Like everybody doesn’t know that!!
More and more body parts are getting exposed and drawn on – pictures are being taken (for use later to get the real tattoos! buh-yah!!) then someone...
- and because this is the sixth bottle of wine, I can’t exactly remember who –
brings up piercings
At this point one of our friends totally exposes themselves – just to show that they DONT have any piercings....
hmmmm....
interesting thought, self-exposure just to prove that you have nothing pierced or tattooed or otherwise.
Fantastic!
And you know if I get up at 9:00 in the morning that is still plenty of time to – go to the gym – go for a swim – and have a healthy breakfast.
Sweet, I am sooo in control.
Life is good.
and
Yes, we would love another bottle of wine, thanks so much for asking.
Seventh bottle of wine,
the birds are singing...
are birds usually awake at 1:00 at night?? – I ask...
uhmmm – it is 4:30 in the morning.
oh F____!!!!
Perhaps I will not make it – to the gym – or for a swim – and really, who eats breakfast anyway, that is what coffee is for...
dammit...
so much for responsible and adult...
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