uncomfortable topic

So ... let's discuss an uncomfortable topic ...
Bedbugs! Ewww!

And apparently my apartment has them, they are dreadful parasitic creatures who feast on humans - ugh! soo...I called the apartment management company - told them the problem, please send someone.
'Oh yes, right away!'
What did I hear back? Crickets!!

While I was waiting for them to get back to me, I spent more than a few dollars on a myriad of bug sprays 'guaranteed' to fix the problem, none of which worked by the way, just in case anyone else has this same issue-don't waste your money go STRAIGHT to an exterminator. My apartment was so fumigated I couldn't breath, my room smelled like a Deet infested trip to the swamp, and still ... was getting bittten. So I called the apartment management again a few days later.

Same response, voice full of concern, 'Oh yes, right away!'
What did I hear this time? Less than crickets!!!

The following week, chomped on, bites everywhere, totally grossed out and awake until 4 in the morning because there is NO sleeping like that, I curled up on a towel on the bathroom floor. At this point - tired - stiff from the floor - and missing more blood than had I donated to the red cross, I asked a friend to stay with them while I fought with my apartment complex. Blissfully they said yes, I showered twice - sprayed all my clothes with rubbing alcohol, which thankfully kills the little bastards, and fled!!

Ahhh - sleep! Zzzzzzzzzz

Called the apartment management again 3 days later, spoke to a manager, got slightly irate (but not nearly enough, as it would seem)
'Oh, that is terrible-let me check the service records, I promise I will call you back today!'
'Okay, thank you, I am sorry to vent at you but this is disgusting and I am being bitten and can not sleep there!'
'I totally understand' she says 'I promise I will get back to you today!' I gave her my number. (even though it is on file)

What did I hear? Yep, you guessed it - Crickets!!!! Are you f*cking kidding me!!!

F*ck this, I think, and started calling every 20 seconds once they had open hours - got the same person from the day before...I was more than irate now! Excuse for not calling me back...wait for it...

'I lost your number.'
Are you serious?!? I live there!!! It is on file!

My patience teetering on the brink of disaster I asked if anything had been scheduled, thankfully the reply was yes, the following week and they would send me a letter on how to prep for the exterminators.

'Ok, that is good.' I reply, 'because I can not sleep there and it has taken you over a week and a half to respond.'

So, I breath a small sigh of relief at least soon it will be taken care of - my friend will let me stay a few more days while this wraps up and the apartment company will send me a letter for how to prepare. Hooray, progress!

Sleep, Zzzzzzzzz

The preparation 'letter' was a 6 page list of essentially, take your entire house apart, remove every item of fabric, launder it, dry clean it, (or if that isn't an option - get rid of it!) then bag it and don't bring it back in until ... the 2nd treatment! (Excuse me, WHAT 2nd treatment!! apartment management sort of missed telling me about that part) Quick question everyone, where do you keep a house full of laundry for 3 weeks without a house?!? Then put everything else in your house in a plastic bag - put the mattresses against the walls, pull all other furniture 2 feet away from the walls, and leave it like this until after the 2nd round. Now to add a little scope here, currently I am working from my home so to say this presents a challenge would be a radical  understatement...

Along with the preparation 'letter' was a scathing and pushy note from management stating that if I did not comply with all the preparation steps I would be subject to legal penalty, just a few points here:
1. why aren't you subject to legal penalty for totally ignoring my requests for so long?
2. are you going to compensate me because your negligence has made me have to essentially move out of my apartment for 3 weeks? (Answer to that one, because YES I asked. 'We did something as soon as we could, we don't compensate for these types of problems.') and we fought back and forth for five minutes on that one...I lost! (steamed)
3. given that this is so serious an issue that you can bring legal action against me, why are you not having other apartments inspected because I am pretty darn sure this is not coming from my apartment given all the other repeat bug problems since...oh I don't know THE DAY I MOVED IN and the roach jumped out of the medicine cabinet at me! (my son thought that was hilarious!) Nothing ever got done about that issue either, but at least I was able to buy things that worked.

**pause in the action here for a small mental break down as i comprehend the sh*t load amount of work this is, how on earth am I going to work like this and to add insult to injury, the washer and dryer in my apartment unit was never functional for more than a random day every 2 months and there is A LOT of laundry! and a small fortune in dry cleaning!!**

F*CK !!!

But still it has to be done, so pull it together, get some help, it will be ok...
Breath. good start!!!
Work for the day and then back to my friends to sleep because it is going to be a long few days / weeks.

Zzzzzzzzzz

So early Saturday morning, my son and I and my friend meet up at the apartment to get started. I cross my fingers and say a prayer the washer and dryer are working and take down the first load, but being some what skeptical took something that would not crush me if it got ruined. Yeah, they were both available and appear to be functional, a good start, in goes load one. An hour later I go down to check, soooo NOT working! The items are soaking wet and soap filled like it never rinsed...(insert a long string of swear words here, at least my son was upstairs)...ok, fine! I will just wring them out and dry them and have to rewash them elsewhere.

Ever try wringing out a quilt - it takes awhile!

Into the dryer...yep, how did you guess??...it didn't work either!!! So, dripping wet clothes go into a plastic bag and a seething livid me calls the management office. As expected - nada. At least I know not to waste any more time trying to do any laundry here. My friend offered their place and my son's grandparents offered their help - problem addressed, not easily but doable. Back to packing and vacuuming and cleaning and sadly, throwing out things that could not be kept. Over the course of several days it all got done.

Now that I have conveyed the seriousness of the situation, and heartily vented about the stress of it - I feel it is important to share the humorous elements. Always good to find the humor, even when couched with a dose of frustration.

I took a break on the balcony to have a coke and calm down after the call to the management office about the washer/dryer situation, and it struck me as I walked back in that if I just had the stamina to leave it like this for a few more months - moving would be a whole lot easier!!! Completely made me chuckle at the irony of all the work only to unpack it eventually and repack it all to leave.

Then as my son, my friend and I were emptying out my closet and had bags for 'wash'-'dry clean'-'trash', I grabbed my underwear drawer and started to dump the contents into the bag my son was holding...and right in front of him a six pack of condoms flops out!! I had totally forgotten they were there!! He didn't say a word about it - neither did I, just quickly said 'excuse me' took the drawer to the kitchen buried the condoms in the trash can, seriously cracked up silently to myself, walked back in the room and in a voice a little too bright and cheery began asking him questions about school. (La,la,la...) Complete parenting fail number 345! Well done mom. *sigh* Best part, they were expired!! (sorry dad if you read this one - but safe is good right? snicker)

It is worth remembering for the future how much you learn about someone when you help clean out their closet, I guess that is where the saying comes from eh? So we continue, chatting and discussing things until we get to...yeah, ok, I have knee pads...my friend lost it right there, considering the previous few minutes - while I stammer to explain in front of my son that they were from my combat class in college. They really are, really!! :)

But so far the most classic part is that each night after working there and stirring everything up, when I have returned to my friend's place being totally paranoid not to introduce these awful creatures into anyone else's life, I go straight to the laundry room, they bring me clothes and I strip everything off and change. It occurred to me in hindsight on one of these occasions...you know, I probably should have made sure there were not cameras before I removed all my clothes, that would not be an attractive you-tube moment!!

So dear readers even though this blog has been a lot of ranting, with moments of hysteria, and pieces of humor, I am left with this...in one of my darker hours-trying to be self employed and run my business-and being somewhat homeless living out of my purse and a plastic bag of clothes. I am deeply grateful to the friends who have helped and opened their homes and given a hand. So appreciative and adoring of my son for his pitching in so willingly, his understanding, patience, and love. Indebted to family who have given support without question. And seriously - and I know this sounds silly and trivial all things considered - glad that my christopher bear (my teddy bear since I can remember, and the only thing i have had my whole life) sustained only minor injury in the washing machine. :)

In the realm of things, I am blessed and lucky, life goes on and ... yes, I am definitely moving as soon as possible!! :)