So, since I never write about my personal life (ok, that's a lie) trying again...since I Do write about my personal life - the last week has been interesting...
A best friend is moving and will be sorely missed, had a psycho meltdown on the poor man who is / was brave enough to want my company, and a strangely one-sided altercation with a person who has routinely been a bad influence in my life.
It makes me reflect a little, I always thought that as I got more experience that life would be easier - more organized - cleaner. But it really isn't, it's messy, complicated, and a constant learning experience. (frankly if I had picked up on that sooner, I would have stayed in school longer and gotten a PhD) :)
Missing people you love is hard, hurting people you shouldn't is much worse, and realizing you are in charge of how your life goes, is down right frightening at any age!
Makes me value the simple unexpected shimmering moments - sharing time with my son listening to music, a hug from my best friend, a rainbow seen from my balcony, a light show of fireflies on a still and warm summer night. Perhaps these are the reasons we strive and persevere - for these bright moments that linger despite the chaos of every day happenings. Because these small beautiful memories sustain and comfort us in a world so often beyond our control or in spite of our choices.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
machismo guy toys - oh yeah!
I spent this past weekend with a long time mate out in the country - or at least what I consider the country being a confirmed city girl.
As previously discussed you all know I have a weakness for bikes link (the kind with engines) and truth be told the men who ride them ;) (that is for another blog - hehe) but I never had really understood the appeal of ATVs. I guess I usually picture guys in flannel with cowboy hats and a shotgun strapped to their backs yelling 'yeh-haw' as they rode through the woods terrorizing the local wildlife. until ... I rode one.
I have had the good fortune of riding one several times as a passenger and it is very exhilarating - they go a good deal faster than I would have expected and thrashing through the woods at speeds faster than is potentially prudent is quite a rush.
Such was the case this weekend, even though I am certain he kept things slower than his usual full throttle so I wasn't terrified. We were sitting talking by a campfire after a ride through the woods, up and down hills that were steeper than seemed safe, through puddles, around trees (always important to avoid those), perhaps one or two terribly -girlie- screams from me as well...as we rode he laid his hand on my thigh-I have no clue why that simple gesture is so hot on a bike, but it is! I am not even going to try and explain it. But ... where was i, oh yes, back at the campfire ... and I kept glancing back to the bike - a little bit lustful I admit. It took me a few minutes but I finally gather the courage, send him a slightly sly grin and ask, 'so, can I drive it?'
Now I know this is a dear possession to him - and the last time I drove his truck ... I kind of nicked it, so I wasn't sure the answer I would get.
'sure! you want to try it now?'
'um...' I stammer a second 'yes! just give me a minute.' Once I asked I got a smidge chicken about actually doing it.
We chatted a while longer and I kept grinning at the bike, come to think of it that may not have been flattering to him, oops!
He looks at me, 'so - you ready to try it?'
Gulp. 'yes', I reply, 'but I should probably go to the bathroom first, just in case' (I'm so elegant! haha)
He drives us up to the top of the hill, we switch places and already my heart is pounding. He provided a quick lesson on the breaks and how Not to use them...and then it was my turn!! The full control of 750 cc's of machine literally at my fingertips...oh my!! After 3 or 4 somewhat shaky start/stops we were actually moving, at only about 15 miles per hour but it was Great!! Not being comfortable on my first run tackling the off-road we stuck to the gravel road, but who cared! Trees rushing past, wind whipping around us, and I was driving!!! Pure adrenalin plain and simple! Eventually I was brave enough to get her up to about 25 mph and I was completely giddy. As much as would love to say I had it totally in control, there was one point on a turn where if he hadn't grabbed the steering to help me we probably would have hit an aforementioned tree that is best avoided, the steering is very tight. (more girlie screams) :)
By the time we got back I was so overjoyed, heart racing, and completely pumped it is a very good thing it was cold outside because I very well may have attacked him right there on his bike :)
Back once again by the campfire - I was grinning from ear to ear, 'That was awesome', I said, 'I totally get it now and I will try to stop grinning in about 20 minutes'
Machismo guy toys - oh yeah!!!
As previously discussed you all know I have a weakness for bikes link (the kind with engines) and truth be told the men who ride them ;) (that is for another blog - hehe) but I never had really understood the appeal of ATVs. I guess I usually picture guys in flannel with cowboy hats and a shotgun strapped to their backs yelling 'yeh-haw' as they rode through the woods terrorizing the local wildlife. until ... I rode one.
I have had the good fortune of riding one several times as a passenger and it is very exhilarating - they go a good deal faster than I would have expected and thrashing through the woods at speeds faster than is potentially prudent is quite a rush.
Such was the case this weekend, even though I am certain he kept things slower than his usual full throttle so I wasn't terrified. We were sitting talking by a campfire after a ride through the woods, up and down hills that were steeper than seemed safe, through puddles, around trees (always important to avoid those), perhaps one or two terribly -girlie- screams from me as well...as we rode he laid his hand on my thigh-I have no clue why that simple gesture is so hot on a bike, but it is! I am not even going to try and explain it. But ... where was i, oh yes, back at the campfire ... and I kept glancing back to the bike - a little bit lustful I admit. It took me a few minutes but I finally gather the courage, send him a slightly sly grin and ask, 'so, can I drive it?'
Now I know this is a dear possession to him - and the last time I drove his truck ... I kind of nicked it, so I wasn't sure the answer I would get.
'sure! you want to try it now?'
'um...' I stammer a second 'yes! just give me a minute.' Once I asked I got a smidge chicken about actually doing it.
We chatted a while longer and I kept grinning at the bike, come to think of it that may not have been flattering to him, oops!
He looks at me, 'so - you ready to try it?'
Gulp. 'yes', I reply, 'but I should probably go to the bathroom first, just in case' (I'm so elegant! haha)
He drives us up to the top of the hill, we switch places and already my heart is pounding. He provided a quick lesson on the breaks and how Not to use them...and then it was my turn!! The full control of 750 cc's of machine literally at my fingertips...oh my!! After 3 or 4 somewhat shaky start/stops we were actually moving, at only about 15 miles per hour but it was Great!! Not being comfortable on my first run tackling the off-road we stuck to the gravel road, but who cared! Trees rushing past, wind whipping around us, and I was driving!!! Pure adrenalin plain and simple! Eventually I was brave enough to get her up to about 25 mph and I was completely giddy. As much as would love to say I had it totally in control, there was one point on a turn where if he hadn't grabbed the steering to help me we probably would have hit an aforementioned tree that is best avoided, the steering is very tight. (more girlie screams) :)
By the time we got back I was so overjoyed, heart racing, and completely pumped it is a very good thing it was cold outside because I very well may have attacked him right there on his bike :)
Back once again by the campfire - I was grinning from ear to ear, 'That was awesome', I said, 'I totally get it now and I will try to stop grinning in about 20 minutes'
Machismo guy toys - oh yeah!!!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Valentine's day ... sort of
Valentine's Day has to be the most hyped up, over-rated marketing festival of the year. Where Hallmark, the flower shops, and Kay jewelers prey upon people to 'show their love'. For those who are single it is a miserable occasion of having too much wine, chocolates you sent to yourself and feeling alone, and for couples is it the traumatic event of attempting to create the perfect day, to make up for what you should have been doing all year! There are few perfect days and usually they are unplanned ... or at least by me.
However, I did stumble on one last year - again, unplanned by me, but perfect.
It was February 13 and not a particularly stellar time in my life, recently laid off and job searching all day, still in my pajamas at 6:30 in the evening, when my best friend calls.
Him: Hey, whatchca doing?
Me: Nothing much, job hunts, ugh! Still in my pjs
Him: Well, get dressed, I am getting you out of the house
Me: No, I don't want to
Him: Have you had dinner?
Me: No, of course not, well-maybe, some cheetos, does that count?
Him: No, get dressed, I'm coming over
Me: I don't want to
Him: Do it anyway, I want to try this place I read about
Me: Can't we go another time.
Him: No. You haven't been out of the house for three weeks, get dressed
Me: Why?
Him: Cause I want to try this place and if you don't I am taking you in your pajamas
(I had visions of him throwing me over his shoulder and hauling me out to the car, and he is big enough and I am small enough for him to do it!)
Me: *Big sigh* Alright, but jeans is the best you are getting
Him: Fine with me, be there in 30 min.
Me: (disgruntled) ok
I mull about as long as possible and finally start to get ready, grumpy and a little irritated at being drug out of my house when I was happy being a slug. I pull on some jeans and a reasonably decent shirt and am attempting to do something with my two-days of unkempt hair when he arrives. Jovial and smiles and just way too damn cheerful for my mood at the time (memo to me, I should have known something more was up at this point, but he is usually jovial so I was remarkably un-suspicious) and after a few minutes his attitude is infectious and I lighten up a little.
We settle into the car, he is driving, and the slowest driver in the world (and has the most tickets of anyone I know-is it any wonder why I kid him!), so I know even if we are going a mile away we have plenty of time to talk.
Me: So, where are we going?
Him: Cafe Renaissance
Me: Oh, I have heard of that, driven by it a million times but never been in. Why there?
Him: Well, a guy I know is the sommelier there, so he said I should come in
(an inconsistency from what he told me on the phone, that I did not think about until later)
Me: Isn't it fancy? (now I am a little worried about the jeans, so I look down at what I am wearing)
Little escapes his notice and he quickly says 'No, your are fine.'
I grimace at him, but too late now.
We chat lightly the rest of the way to the restaurant and I tease him, as always, about his driving. :)
When we arrive at the door, we are greeted warmly and then my friend sees the man who invited him. He comes over quickly to say hello and how happy he is we are there, and he has the perfect table ready and will take care of pairing our wines with the meals we choose. I raise an eyebrow to my friend, thinking this all seems a bit over the top, but my friend is pretty well loved by most who know him so not totally unusual. They seat us off in a lovely side room, that is a bit too 'romantic' for my friend and I (soft lights, flowers, and candles) so I giggle at him, but what the hell, I am feeling much better and the idea of an evening of laughing with him and some good food are worth a little awkward with the 'mushy' room factor.
They bring us menus, the wine list, and some warm fresh bread and soft butter. With less than lady-like vigor I dove into the bread, since due to the lay-off I was being pretty stingy with shopping, so I had had little but ramen noodles for a week. He starts pouring over the menu while I have my mouth full, he asks ... "What looks good to you?"
Just then the waiter returns and begins discussing the specials, absolutely everything sounded like heaven, dipped in hollandaise sauce! When the waiter left, my friends eyes were just lite up like a kid at Christmas, he was as impressed as I was. You would have never guessed it from looking at the outside of this place that they would have such cuisine. He subtly interjects into conversation, as we are waiting, that he called ahead to make sure they would not be too busy tonight setting up for Valentine's Day, but that the reservation was easy to get. 'Reservation, (I thought for brief moment) but I thought this was a spur of the moment thing.) I glance at him briefly out of the corner of my eye, he looks relaxed, so I let it go.
Him: So, what would you like?
Me: Oh, no, this was your idea, you order.
Him: For you too?
Me: Yep.
(I love it when guys order, not sure what it is, too many old movies but I think it is just great, so classy. That and aside from calf's liver I will eat anything so ... why not!)
He pauses for a split-second, looks mildly nervous, I beam a cheesy 'Im having a great time' smile at him ... "Okay then" he says.
He orders appetizers and entrees, and the wine is being handled for us, thank god because their wine list was exhausting, and I know so very little about wines - aside from do I like it or not. And we spent the next two hours talking and mooning over the completely intoxicating food (not to mention the wine) that they kept bringing out, every dish was better than the one before.
At one point in the night he looked across the table from me with a soft gentle look and said "You look beautiful, with the light and your smile and the way the scarf is draped around you, you are beautiful." I blushed and looked down at my plate, told him he was being silly. But I don't think there was ever a moment where I loved him more, just the pure - honest sweetness of it. Enchanting. I never told him.
After the dinner plates had been taken away, we sat lingering in conversation and laughter, and perhaps for both of us, not quite ready for the evening to end. The waiter returned to inquire if we wanted dessert.
"Oh, (I laugh) I am delightfully full, I couldn't, but thank you."
My friend gets a sideways grin, "What is the special tonight?"
The waiter describes what they have, which sounds exquisite, but I have had way too much already.
"Sure." says my friend, "we will take that, but just one to share."
I rolled my eyes, he laughed.
And what they brought to the table can only be described as the closest thing to touching the ephemeral that I have ever tasted. It was a slice of iced lemon cake that was sunshine and clouds on a summer day, and dissolved on your tongue in a sweet melting confection of sugar and light like nothing I ever had. We literally sighed when we sampled it. After two more bites, I just looked at him and said, "That is sex on a plate." He agreed whole-heartedly!! And we both wondered laughingly if it was rude to lick the plate in such a place. Had that not been just the most divine dessert as it was, they also brought us two glasses of port to have with our cake. I am not usually a fan of port (I had a bad experience), so I was reluctant at best to try it, but then my friend gets the idea to dip the lemon cake into the wine just a touch and serves it to me across the table. Absolute ecstasy ... I couldn't speak, I just sat there letting all the flavors mingle and evaporate on my tongue - amazing!! A delectable cap to an absolutely charming night.
We got back home and after he walked me up and we said our goodbyes, I gave him a big hug and a kiss, because it had been just the perfect evening. The company, food, wine, atmosphere, just everything was lovely. I had a gigantic smile on my face for the first time in weeks, it was wonderful. After he left, I sat on the couch for a few minutes just soaking up the mood and dreaming of more of the lemon 'sex' cake dipped in port and it dawned on me ...
That sneaky little son of b****!!! (no disrespect to his mother, she is lovely)
He completely bamboozled me and took me out for Valentine's Day (a day early!!) because he knew I would never agree to VDay (link to previous story explains why)!! I sat laughing and cursing him in the same breath. There was no pressure, or tension, or expectation - just pure delightful fun! I wasn't sure whether to be royally pissed or just so damn proud of him!! I settled for both. :) I never had anyone go to such effort for a non-date. I am still impressed to this day. Very well done, I think I like February 13 much better.
However, I did stumble on one last year - again, unplanned by me, but perfect.
It was February 13 and not a particularly stellar time in my life, recently laid off and job searching all day, still in my pajamas at 6:30 in the evening, when my best friend calls.
Him: Hey, whatchca doing?
Me: Nothing much, job hunts, ugh! Still in my pjs
Him: Well, get dressed, I am getting you out of the house
Me: No, I don't want to
Him: Have you had dinner?
Me: No, of course not, well-maybe, some cheetos, does that count?
Him: No, get dressed, I'm coming over
Me: I don't want to
Him: Do it anyway, I want to try this place I read about
Me: Can't we go another time.
Him: No. You haven't been out of the house for three weeks, get dressed
Me: Why?
Him: Cause I want to try this place and if you don't I am taking you in your pajamas
(I had visions of him throwing me over his shoulder and hauling me out to the car, and he is big enough and I am small enough for him to do it!)
Me: *Big sigh* Alright, but jeans is the best you are getting
Him: Fine with me, be there in 30 min.
Me: (disgruntled) ok
I mull about as long as possible and finally start to get ready, grumpy and a little irritated at being drug out of my house when I was happy being a slug. I pull on some jeans and a reasonably decent shirt and am attempting to do something with my two-days of unkempt hair when he arrives. Jovial and smiles and just way too damn cheerful for my mood at the time (memo to me, I should have known something more was up at this point, but he is usually jovial so I was remarkably un-suspicious) and after a few minutes his attitude is infectious and I lighten up a little.
We settle into the car, he is driving, and the slowest driver in the world (and has the most tickets of anyone I know-is it any wonder why I kid him!), so I know even if we are going a mile away we have plenty of time to talk.
Me: So, where are we going?
Him: Cafe Renaissance
Me: Oh, I have heard of that, driven by it a million times but never been in. Why there?
Him: Well, a guy I know is the sommelier there, so he said I should come in
(an inconsistency from what he told me on the phone, that I did not think about until later)
Me: Isn't it fancy? (now I am a little worried about the jeans, so I look down at what I am wearing)
Little escapes his notice and he quickly says 'No, your are fine.'
I grimace at him, but too late now.
We chat lightly the rest of the way to the restaurant and I tease him, as always, about his driving. :)
When we arrive at the door, we are greeted warmly and then my friend sees the man who invited him. He comes over quickly to say hello and how happy he is we are there, and he has the perfect table ready and will take care of pairing our wines with the meals we choose. I raise an eyebrow to my friend, thinking this all seems a bit over the top, but my friend is pretty well loved by most who know him so not totally unusual. They seat us off in a lovely side room, that is a bit too 'romantic' for my friend and I (soft lights, flowers, and candles) so I giggle at him, but what the hell, I am feeling much better and the idea of an evening of laughing with him and some good food are worth a little awkward with the 'mushy' room factor.
They bring us menus, the wine list, and some warm fresh bread and soft butter. With less than lady-like vigor I dove into the bread, since due to the lay-off I was being pretty stingy with shopping, so I had had little but ramen noodles for a week. He starts pouring over the menu while I have my mouth full, he asks ... "What looks good to you?"
Just then the waiter returns and begins discussing the specials, absolutely everything sounded like heaven, dipped in hollandaise sauce! When the waiter left, my friends eyes were just lite up like a kid at Christmas, he was as impressed as I was. You would have never guessed it from looking at the outside of this place that they would have such cuisine. He subtly interjects into conversation, as we are waiting, that he called ahead to make sure they would not be too busy tonight setting up for Valentine's Day, but that the reservation was easy to get. 'Reservation, (I thought for brief moment) but I thought this was a spur of the moment thing.) I glance at him briefly out of the corner of my eye, he looks relaxed, so I let it go.
Him: So, what would you like?
Me: Oh, no, this was your idea, you order.
Him: For you too?
Me: Yep.
(I love it when guys order, not sure what it is, too many old movies but I think it is just great, so classy. That and aside from calf's liver I will eat anything so ... why not!)
He pauses for a split-second, looks mildly nervous, I beam a cheesy 'Im having a great time' smile at him ... "Okay then" he says.
He orders appetizers and entrees, and the wine is being handled for us, thank god because their wine list was exhausting, and I know so very little about wines - aside from do I like it or not. And we spent the next two hours talking and mooning over the completely intoxicating food (not to mention the wine) that they kept bringing out, every dish was better than the one before.
At one point in the night he looked across the table from me with a soft gentle look and said "You look beautiful, with the light and your smile and the way the scarf is draped around you, you are beautiful." I blushed and looked down at my plate, told him he was being silly. But I don't think there was ever a moment where I loved him more, just the pure - honest sweetness of it. Enchanting. I never told him.
After the dinner plates had been taken away, we sat lingering in conversation and laughter, and perhaps for both of us, not quite ready for the evening to end. The waiter returned to inquire if we wanted dessert.
"Oh, (I laugh) I am delightfully full, I couldn't, but thank you."
My friend gets a sideways grin, "What is the special tonight?"
The waiter describes what they have, which sounds exquisite, but I have had way too much already.
"Sure." says my friend, "we will take that, but just one to share."
I rolled my eyes, he laughed.
And what they brought to the table can only be described as the closest thing to touching the ephemeral that I have ever tasted. It was a slice of iced lemon cake that was sunshine and clouds on a summer day, and dissolved on your tongue in a sweet melting confection of sugar and light like nothing I ever had. We literally sighed when we sampled it. After two more bites, I just looked at him and said, "That is sex on a plate." He agreed whole-heartedly!! And we both wondered laughingly if it was rude to lick the plate in such a place. Had that not been just the most divine dessert as it was, they also brought us two glasses of port to have with our cake. I am not usually a fan of port (I had a bad experience), so I was reluctant at best to try it, but then my friend gets the idea to dip the lemon cake into the wine just a touch and serves it to me across the table. Absolute ecstasy ... I couldn't speak, I just sat there letting all the flavors mingle and evaporate on my tongue - amazing!! A delectable cap to an absolutely charming night.
We got back home and after he walked me up and we said our goodbyes, I gave him a big hug and a kiss, because it had been just the perfect evening. The company, food, wine, atmosphere, just everything was lovely. I had a gigantic smile on my face for the first time in weeks, it was wonderful. After he left, I sat on the couch for a few minutes just soaking up the mood and dreaming of more of the lemon 'sex' cake dipped in port and it dawned on me ...
That sneaky little son of b****!!! (no disrespect to his mother, she is lovely)
He completely bamboozled me and took me out for Valentine's Day (a day early!!) because he knew I would never agree to VDay (link to previous story explains why)!! I sat laughing and cursing him in the same breath. There was no pressure, or tension, or expectation - just pure delightful fun! I wasn't sure whether to be royally pissed or just so damn proud of him!! I settled for both. :) I never had anyone go to such effort for a non-date. I am still impressed to this day. Very well done, I think I like February 13 much better.
Monday, February 4, 2013
30+19
As I enter my 39th year of life...again, here are a few things that I have learned:
1. Having a son has been the single greatest blessing of my life.
2. There is the family we are born with and the families we chose.
3. Sometimes, it really is better Not to know everything.
4. A questionable childhood can make for an interesting adulthood, not always good - but always interesting.
5. Your second childhood is up to you. :) (thanks for that one 'batman')
6. Love is never ever wasted, it may not be return but it is never wasted.
7. Having a soft heart may mean getting it bruised from time to time, but it is far better than a hard heart.
8. Hugs are entirely under-rated!
9. You can not make anyone do something they do not want to do.
10. Triscuits are the most lovely food on the planet. Followed by fried bologna sandwiches and cheetos :)
11. It is a slice of heaven to have your daddy always call you princess.
12. Things may not turn out the way you expect, but just like cooking, if it isn't a little messy and adventurous, it isn't worth doing.
13. The shadows are just as important as the light.
14. Laughter and a smile can make the worst of times palatable.
(daddy, if you are reading this blog - skip the next one!)
15. Being a truly good lover to someone takes time and communication (and sometimes a picture or two!) snicker!! (oh come on now, it is me, I can't be too serious and yes, I might be slightly pervy too-haha!) :)
16. A perfect kiss is unforgettable.
17. Not always having a map lets you make fascinating discoveries.
18. Travel teaches the value of home.
19. Few things are more comforting than having a loved one meet you at the airport after a long journey.
20. Being sexy is attitude, not appearance.
21. The things we regret are usually the things we didn't do.
22. Saying your sorry can go a long way to mending fences.
23. Music lifts the spirit.
24. Chocolate can fix most anything.
25. Being a strong person doesn't mean you aren't scared, just that you keep going anyway.
26. I love public displays of affection, grande romantic gestures, and roses.
27. Getting brought coffee in bed in the morning is one of the finest simple pleasures.
28. If I could do it all again, what would I change ... tough one, because then I would be a different person. (some of you are probably thinking 'well, that would be a good thing!' bwhahaha!!)
and lastly ...
29. Life isn't often fair, but it can be beautiful if you look for it.
1. Having a son has been the single greatest blessing of my life.
2. There is the family we are born with and the families we chose.
3. Sometimes, it really is better Not to know everything.
4. A questionable childhood can make for an interesting adulthood, not always good - but always interesting.
5. Your second childhood is up to you. :) (thanks for that one 'batman')
6. Love is never ever wasted, it may not be return but it is never wasted.
7. Having a soft heart may mean getting it bruised from time to time, but it is far better than a hard heart.
8. Hugs are entirely under-rated!
9. You can not make anyone do something they do not want to do.
10. Triscuits are the most lovely food on the planet. Followed by fried bologna sandwiches and cheetos :)
11. It is a slice of heaven to have your daddy always call you princess.
12. Things may not turn out the way you expect, but just like cooking, if it isn't a little messy and adventurous, it isn't worth doing.
13. The shadows are just as important as the light.
14. Laughter and a smile can make the worst of times palatable.
(daddy, if you are reading this blog - skip the next one!)
15. Being a truly good lover to someone takes time and communication (and sometimes a picture or two!) snicker!! (oh come on now, it is me, I can't be too serious and yes, I might be slightly pervy too-haha!) :)
16. A perfect kiss is unforgettable.
17. Not always having a map lets you make fascinating discoveries.
18. Travel teaches the value of home.
19. Few things are more comforting than having a loved one meet you at the airport after a long journey.
20. Being sexy is attitude, not appearance.
21. The things we regret are usually the things we didn't do.
22. Saying your sorry can go a long way to mending fences.
23. Music lifts the spirit.
24. Chocolate can fix most anything.
25. Being a strong person doesn't mean you aren't scared, just that you keep going anyway.
26. I love public displays of affection, grande romantic gestures, and roses.
27. Getting brought coffee in bed in the morning is one of the finest simple pleasures.
28. If I could do it all again, what would I change ... tough one, because then I would be a different person. (some of you are probably thinking 'well, that would be a good thing!' bwhahaha!!)
and lastly ...
29. Life isn't often fair, but it can be beautiful if you look for it.
Friday, February 1, 2013
2 percenters can still be funny
This past November I broke my leg, 'well, that isn't very funny', you might be thinking but au contrair, mon ami! To begin we have to take into account the way that it happened, which is where the '2%' comes in, even the doctors were baffled, apparently an absolute First for the trauma unit and if that isn't impressive credentials to my clumsiness I don't know what is! They kept asking me if I was on drugs, I still am not sure how that would enable someone to break their own leg but it was their chief question at the start.
Here is how it happened, I will try to cut out some of the swearing although in this case, I think even Mother Theresa would have cursed a time or two. I was getting ready to go to bed and was sitting at the table to remove my boots. (side note: favorite pair of boots ever - up until that moment, of course - traveled all around the world in them, wore them every day) Anyway, back to our story. For some reason the left boot was stuck, I mean good and stuck. I struggled with it a few minutes, tug-pull, grrr. Put it back on all the way, waited, tried again, tug-pull-tug, grrr. It went on like this for about five minutes. I was getting genuinely flustered and a little panicky because I really really don't like feeling trapped in stuff - to the point where I do not wear turtle neck shirts because I find them too confining.
Okay, fine, deep breath and then one more try ... yank!
SNAP - POP - AHHHHHH!
There was a weird flash of white light when it broke - and the instant panic of "Oh, Sh*t, something just went very very wrong!" The pain was brilliant and I am pretty sure I went into shock almost immediately. I just sat for a few seconds swearing and staring at my leg, which did not look right - soooo thankful I was wearing jeans, ewwww - I don't even want to think about that too long.
Now, here is the funny part...The boot was STILL stuck on!!
Not knowing quite what had happened but knowing it wasn't good I tried to stand to get to my phone which was 15 feet away from me. It might has well have been a mile at that point. It took all of half a nano-second to realize that standing was Not an option. Meanwhile the string of all but involuntary "F*ck! F*ck! F*ck!" keeps just rolling out of my mouth. So somewhere in the fog of pain and panic I decide I can sit here and suffer or I can somehow get to my phone. Ok, phone it is. I am not entirely sure how long it took me, time sort of morphed on me, but I did eventually get to my phone.
Now, one would think your initial impulse would be to call 911. And for a person not in shock that is most likely the case, but not for me...I called the first person in my phone list. Poor dear friend, I think I have thrown off his game forever - I wonder if he is afraid to pick up the phone now if he sees it is me :) haha.
He answers and I am swearing and crying and generally being completely incoherent, it doesn't take him long to assess that even though he can't tell what happened, I need help and fast. He hangs up with me, which sends me into truly terrified mode, and calls 911. Now I am sure he told me that is what he was going to do, but I didn't really hear him at the time and I just started to ball. Here is where the next thing I do is even more odd. I still don't call 911, I call my workmate because we are on a huge project and all I was thinking is, I don't think I am going to be able to work tomorrow! She asked later if I remembered calling her, totally do not, no idea what I even said to her. Awesome.
Yeah, I have no clue how my mind works either, so it is ok.
Then 911 calls me, and I looked at my phone and remember thinking, who is calling me Now!! Hilarious. Luckily I answered. Skip forward...
The EMTs arrive while the dispatcher is on the phone with me, I am on one side of the room, on the floor - and the double bolted door is on the other.
Dispatcher: "Can you let them in? They are outside your door."
Me: "No, I can't move." sobbing
Dispatcher: "Ma'am ... Ma'am - don't worry, they will get to you."
Me: still sobbing
Dispatcher: "It is ok, I will stay on the phone with you until they get in."
Me: sniffle, whimper (totally pathetic!) "Okay"
The 911 dispatchers must have the most frustrating job ever - wow!
Knock-knock-knock ... "Ma'am - it's the emergency service"
Me: "Help!!" this answer makes me laugh now ... of course, help - silly woman, why do you think they are there!! The stories those folks must have!
It took what felt like forever for them to break in, they ended up cutting through the wall to unlock the door because the dead bolts would not budge. Once they get in they do a few initial checks, make sure I am breathing and then ask what happened.
I explained...then there was this long moment of silence from all of them.
"What happened again?"
I explained again.
More silence...
"Uh, ok - well, let's get you looked at then."
Just a reminder the boot is still stuck on my foot, they need to look at my leg, and I was wearing the only decent pair of jeans I owned that didn't have a hole in them...not for long... they just cut straight up the sides of my jeans right away. (at the time I didn't care I can assure you, I do remember thinking 'thank god I am wearing underwear' - didn't matter as it turns out they cut that off too!) So, I am half naked and in pain and the boot is well lodged on my foot. One of the EMTs says...
"Well, we really need to get the boot off Ma'am, we are going to hold your leg and pull."
I see red in a state of terror at the thought of even more pain and yelled, surprisingly loudly..."F*ck, that NO! Just cut it off!!!!"
"Are you sure?"
"YES!!!!"
Here is my question, you have just cut off half my clothes, I am lying here, naked - crying - cursing - suffering AND after my story of how it happened, do you really think I would Ever put those boots on again!?! :) not a chance!!!
At the hospital, leg is definitely broken, pain meds taken and they decide I need traction. I have never had traction before, and hope to all that is good in the world I never need it again. But it involves metal rods in places that you don't want and weights and ropes and pulleys (which would all be kind of kinky without the pain element, snicker-snicker) and yes, that is actually what I thought at the time. A warped sense of humor would be a terrible thing to waste. (grin!) The nurse is putting the metal rod into my leg, thank god for local anesthetics, so there wasn't pain but I could hear the drill. (yes, drill ... yuck!) She is about half way through when her phone rings and she answered it!! I just turned my head and looked at her, completely incredulous and said, "Really!?! Now?"
"Oh, um, sorry." She replies. Sheesh!!
After all was said and done, had surgery and was on the mend, so time to go home - when my son and I got back, there on the floor were the shreds of my jeans and the offending boot (the picture I took is classic).
I sent the picture to one of my dear friends.
Him: "Damn, you didn't throw them out did you?"
Me: "Yes, of course, why?"
Him: "You should have saved it, you could have been She-Hulk for Halloween! Best costume ever!"
Me: "Haha, I didn't think of that! But there was no butt left to the jeans."
Him: "Yeah? Even better!!"
Nice!! :)
Here is how it happened, I will try to cut out some of the swearing although in this case, I think even Mother Theresa would have cursed a time or two. I was getting ready to go to bed and was sitting at the table to remove my boots. (side note: favorite pair of boots ever - up until that moment, of course - traveled all around the world in them, wore them every day) Anyway, back to our story. For some reason the left boot was stuck, I mean good and stuck. I struggled with it a few minutes, tug-pull, grrr. Put it back on all the way, waited, tried again, tug-pull-tug, grrr. It went on like this for about five minutes. I was getting genuinely flustered and a little panicky because I really really don't like feeling trapped in stuff - to the point where I do not wear turtle neck shirts because I find them too confining.
Okay, fine, deep breath and then one more try ... yank!
SNAP - POP - AHHHHHH!
There was a weird flash of white light when it broke - and the instant panic of "Oh, Sh*t, something just went very very wrong!" The pain was brilliant and I am pretty sure I went into shock almost immediately. I just sat for a few seconds swearing and staring at my leg, which did not look right - soooo thankful I was wearing jeans, ewwww - I don't even want to think about that too long.
Now, here is the funny part...The boot was STILL stuck on!!
Not knowing quite what had happened but knowing it wasn't good I tried to stand to get to my phone which was 15 feet away from me. It might has well have been a mile at that point. It took all of half a nano-second to realize that standing was Not an option. Meanwhile the string of all but involuntary "F*ck! F*ck! F*ck!" keeps just rolling out of my mouth. So somewhere in the fog of pain and panic I decide I can sit here and suffer or I can somehow get to my phone. Ok, phone it is. I am not entirely sure how long it took me, time sort of morphed on me, but I did eventually get to my phone.
Now, one would think your initial impulse would be to call 911. And for a person not in shock that is most likely the case, but not for me...I called the first person in my phone list. Poor dear friend, I think I have thrown off his game forever - I wonder if he is afraid to pick up the phone now if he sees it is me :) haha.
He answers and I am swearing and crying and generally being completely incoherent, it doesn't take him long to assess that even though he can't tell what happened, I need help and fast. He hangs up with me, which sends me into truly terrified mode, and calls 911. Now I am sure he told me that is what he was going to do, but I didn't really hear him at the time and I just started to ball. Here is where the next thing I do is even more odd. I still don't call 911, I call my workmate because we are on a huge project and all I was thinking is, I don't think I am going to be able to work tomorrow! She asked later if I remembered calling her, totally do not, no idea what I even said to her. Awesome.
Yeah, I have no clue how my mind works either, so it is ok.
Then 911 calls me, and I looked at my phone and remember thinking, who is calling me Now!! Hilarious. Luckily I answered. Skip forward...
The EMTs arrive while the dispatcher is on the phone with me, I am on one side of the room, on the floor - and the double bolted door is on the other.
Dispatcher: "Can you let them in? They are outside your door."
Me: "No, I can't move." sobbing
Dispatcher: "Ma'am ... Ma'am - don't worry, they will get to you."
Me: still sobbing
Dispatcher: "It is ok, I will stay on the phone with you until they get in."
Me: sniffle, whimper (totally pathetic!) "Okay"
The 911 dispatchers must have the most frustrating job ever - wow!
Knock-knock-knock ... "Ma'am - it's the emergency service"
Me: "Help!!" this answer makes me laugh now ... of course, help - silly woman, why do you think they are there!! The stories those folks must have!
It took what felt like forever for them to break in, they ended up cutting through the wall to unlock the door because the dead bolts would not budge. Once they get in they do a few initial checks, make sure I am breathing and then ask what happened.
I explained...then there was this long moment of silence from all of them.
"What happened again?"
I explained again.
More silence...
"Uh, ok - well, let's get you looked at then."
Just a reminder the boot is still stuck on my foot, they need to look at my leg, and I was wearing the only decent pair of jeans I owned that didn't have a hole in them...not for long... they just cut straight up the sides of my jeans right away. (at the time I didn't care I can assure you, I do remember thinking 'thank god I am wearing underwear' - didn't matter as it turns out they cut that off too!) So, I am half naked and in pain and the boot is well lodged on my foot. One of the EMTs says...
"Well, we really need to get the boot off Ma'am, we are going to hold your leg and pull."
I see red in a state of terror at the thought of even more pain and yelled, surprisingly loudly..."F*ck, that NO! Just cut it off!!!!"
"Are you sure?"
"YES!!!!"
Here is my question, you have just cut off half my clothes, I am lying here, naked - crying - cursing - suffering AND after my story of how it happened, do you really think I would Ever put those boots on again!?! :) not a chance!!!
At the hospital, leg is definitely broken, pain meds taken and they decide I need traction. I have never had traction before, and hope to all that is good in the world I never need it again. But it involves metal rods in places that you don't want and weights and ropes and pulleys (which would all be kind of kinky without the pain element, snicker-snicker) and yes, that is actually what I thought at the time. A warped sense of humor would be a terrible thing to waste. (grin!) The nurse is putting the metal rod into my leg, thank god for local anesthetics, so there wasn't pain but I could hear the drill. (yes, drill ... yuck!) She is about half way through when her phone rings and she answered it!! I just turned my head and looked at her, completely incredulous and said, "Really!?! Now?"
"Oh, um, sorry." She replies. Sheesh!!
After all was said and done, had surgery and was on the mend, so time to go home - when my son and I got back, there on the floor were the shreds of my jeans and the offending boot (the picture I took is classic).
I sent the picture to one of my dear friends.
Him: "Damn, you didn't throw them out did you?"
Me: "Yes, of course, why?"
Him: "You should have saved it, you could have been She-Hulk for Halloween! Best costume ever!"
Me: "Haha, I didn't think of that! But there was no butt left to the jeans."
Him: "Yeah? Even better!!"
Nice!! :)
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